Why I Said Yes When I Knew I Needed To Say No

A story of codependent habits

A story of codependent habits.

Recently I chose a new partnership. It was so exciting and inspiring; I felt so seen, heard, empowered and inspired by her. I felt so loved.

She chose me back. It was more love than I’ve ever felt before. It’s nice to be loved. It felt good. Then I think I got complacent.

It’s just that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I knew that from early on.

I started to believe that it didn’t matter if I felt hurt or upset because we had our love. I turned love into a thing. It became a noun in my mind, an unbreakable noun. Anyone resonating with this yet?

I turned my partner into an unbreakable. I put her on a pedestal like that, believing in her ‘good’ side and ignoring her bad. That’s not fair on her or me.

It’s a terrible relationship strategy.

We slipped into second-guessing each other’s needs and being too afraid to speak up about our own. I became obsessed with the relationship, entirely focused on making it work and meeting her needs. My work dropped away, I haven’t written an article since last year, and I haven’t released a podcast in that time.

The conditioning that I faced in childhood was so full of coercion and control, speaking my truth was such an ordeal — that usually ended in a shouting match if I was feeling courageous or desperate enough, that I collapsed on my life.

I collapsed on my life not because I wanted to, and my partner definitely didn’t want me to. I collapsed because it’s a strong subconscious driver that protected me in childhood.

Collapsing meant safety. Collapsing made my life easy.

Collapsing made me resentful. It came from a belief inside me that I am powerless to voice my needs.

The dynamics continued until they became competitive, two people who love each other trying…

Related posts:

Running is something I never thought I would enjoy. Just taking step after step going almost nowhere out of breath. I felt that I was not improving. I was frustrated. I felt like I had plateaued…

From last 2 year my goal is to driving a car but I can’t achieved due to some reasons . First reason is personally I have no car . My father have a car but he doesn’t allow me to drive . Second…

Good people make for better places. I would give the original Hebrew word if I thought it could be said without offending— ‘barak’. It means a blessing. Good people are conscientious enough to give…