Facing the Holidays Alone

The Times I Still Feel Angry at my Ex

I was married for 18 years. Sometimes it was good. Sometimes it wasn’t. But it defined life.

He often made bad decisions and I had to deal with the consequences. This stressed me out. But…

I never had to stress about who I was spending the holidays with.

I am happier without him. I thought of sending him a thank you card for divorcing me. But that would be a mean, petty thing to do. And we’re still sort of friends. Why rock the boat?

These days, I only have to deal with my own bad choices. I make mistakes but I feel confident that I’ll handle whatever happens.

I enjoy my freedom and my friendships. I’ve got more friends now and I relate to them in deeper ways. I am seldom alone unless I want to be. I often do. I cherish my alone time. I’m not sure if that makes me an introverted extrovert or an extroverted introvert. But I love the balance my life has found.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are about family.

When I was married, there were three of us — Mom, him and me. That was enough. Now it’s just the two of us…

My ex and I still talk. We shared a lot over 18 years. It’s good to laugh together over old memories. But we’re not family anymore. We can’t spend the holidays together. So what fills the vacuum he’s left behind?

Should I join friends? But I don’t want to be the awkward third wheel at their family event.

I do have a friends who are like family. Unfortunately, they live across the country. I would need to fly to visit them, and Mom won’t fly.

My ex and I had traditions. We made an organic turkey for Thanksgiving and hung up stockings for Christmas. My Mom doesn’t eat turkey, though, and two stockings don’t fill the space the way three did.

I need to move on but figuring out how is tough.

I’ve thought about scheduling special “me” time, but it seems contrived. I could volunteer, but what about Mom?

She is turning 80 soon. Maybe she should be my focus.

Can I replace my anger at my ex with gratitude for my mother? I don’t know if I can manage it. But I will try. I want to experience joy for the holidays. I deserve it.

Related posts:

I often reflect on how I could have done things differently. Did my failures amount to the kind of person I was? Would others think differently of me if I was a failure? What could I have changed…

The undersigned appreciate the opportunity to contribute input on the French Republic’s draft bill to regulate and secure the digital space and its draft Military Planning Law (LPM) 2024–2030. We…

Once you have decided to build a site in WordPress, the next question in your mind is which theme will i use for my site? Although, there are thousands of wordpress multipurpose themes and site…