Learning to Learn

I often reflect on how I could have done things differently. Did my failures amount to the kind of person I was? Would others think differently of me if I was a failure? What could I have changed?

Coming home from a long day at school, I struggled to push myself to do schoolwork. I knew I didn’t understand the lesson in class, so trying to complete the homework would just be trying to learn the concept all over again. I became frustrated with not being able to understand a topic when I was sure my peers around me did. I felt like every time the class was taking one step forward, I was taking two steps backward.

I had let school become bigger than myself. I had let my drive for success turn into a plummet in my self esteem. I had let myself dictate the kind of person I am off of my ability to turn in an assignment, and have it back the following week with an idealized number written at the top. But most importantly, I had let my clouded thoughts stand as a barrier in the way of my love for learning.

Days passed, and I received a notification that my first test of the semester had been graded when I sat anxiously in sixth period. I slid open the notification almost instantly, only to discover that my grade had dropped two whole letters. Thinking back to the situation now, I realized how detrimental predicating my self worth based on a letter grade would be. I was sad for days and felt like I was on the brink of giving up. That was until I was reminded that my grades were merely a number on paper.

I learned and am still in the process of learning how to differentiate my grades from my self worth. I continued the semester focusing on trying to get my self esteem back up again after every time a grade would knock me back down. Had I have given up then, I wouldn’t have learned from my mistakes going forward. Come to find out, this was the art of learning.

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